


Don't Stop Believing (Not Yet)

by Amee19



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fertility Issues, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27359308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amee19/pseuds/Amee19
Summary: They've been struggling about it for 2 years now and Lucas is slowly losing hope.(Originally was a oneshot but is now multi-chaptered)
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 25
Kudos: 69





	1. Hopeful

**Author's Note:**

> It's me and I'm back with some mpreg 😅 at this point, I think it's my little writing niche 💙 Slightly angstier than what you're used to from me at this point. This is a one shot for now but I'm totally down for developing it if you guys like it 😊
> 
> So please, please, please, tell me what you think 💙
> 
> Enjoy 💙

Lucas knows he shouldn't be greedy. After all, life has been pretty nice to them since he and Eliott had gotten together, as if the universe was trying to make up for their respective shitty pasts. They moved out of their first apartment into a bigger, nicer one, they both have a job they love, they have Brian who Lucas has surprisingly grew fond of since they got him, they have Ouba for who they're both absolutely whipped, they have friends and Eliott's episodes are not only a lot less frequent than they used to be but they're not as bad either. Really, he knows how lucky they are, how much worse their lives could be. He really shouldn't be asking for more. But he can't help it.

He can't help wishing for that one little tiny thing, the one he's been thinking about constantly since he was 18, that made him more scared than he ever felt in his life, the one he wants more than anything, the one he and Eliott have been trying for for over two years now. Lucas wants a baby.

As he's a carrier, it should be easy for him to get pregnant but for some reason, it didn't happen yet. He and Eliott both got tested to make sure there was nothing wrong with either of them which is the case. They're as healthy and fertile as they could be but Lucas just won't get pregnant.

They tried every tricks and followed every tips they found online. Different positions during sex, a diet, vitamins, meditation, they stopped drinking and smoking all together but nothing ever worked. After nearly a year of being disappointed, they asked for help. Since then, Lucas has been taking pills which, as Dr. Roy explained, are supposed to increase his fertility and hopefully, help him get pregnant. There's side effects of course such as the cramps he's experimenting right now but if it means he and Eliott finally get the baby they've been dreaming of for so long, then Lucas would gladly take those cramps and live with them for the rest of his life.

"You're okay?" his boyfriend worries as he walks out of the kitchen, carrying the two plates with their dinner.

Not that Eliott is any better at cooking than he was when they were still in high school but now, at least, Lucas can trust him to reheat yesterday's leftover without adding anything to it.

"I'm fine," the younger man assures him, giving him a weak smile as he sits up from where he was laying down on the couch. "Just cramps as always."

He slips a hand underneath his t-shirt, rubbing his cramped stomach as his boyfriend sits down beside him and hands him his plate of pasta.

"I just hope they will pass before tomorrow though," he continues with a little smile, hoping to lift up the mood. "I would rather not have to host the show tomorrow like that."

Eliott doesn't burst into laughter at his joke but he does let out a chuckle so Lucas will take it. They make themselves comfortable before turning on the TV, resuming the movie they were watching earlier.

He can't remember the name but it's an American comedy with bad acting and terrible writing but it's taking itself so seriously despite of it all it's funny.

Then, as if she had finally smelled the food, they hear some claws clicking on the floor and Ouba trots out of their bedroom, her mouth full with a sock she must have taken from the laundry basket.

"Look at what you found baby!" Lucas playfully greets, holding out an open hand into which she releases the poor piece of clothing only for him to make a face of disgust as she does so.

She must have been playing with it for a while as it's dripping with drool.

"Good girl!" Eliott praises her with a large grin and she must understand from the tone of his voice he's happy as she lets out an excited bark.

Wanting a treat, she gets on her hind legs and rests her front ones on the couch in between Lucas and Eliott, wiggling her tail in anticipation. Chuckling, Lucas throws the wet sock aside and reaches for one of the spaghetti that doesn't have sauce on it before letting it hang right above her head. She jumps, catching the end of the pasta in between her teeth and he lets it go, giving it to her.

They really do try to not give her human food but neither of them can resist the puppy eyes she gives them sometimes.

Eventually, they finish eating and put their now empty plates on the coffee table and move so Lucas is laying over his boyfriend's body who wraps his arms around him. Sighing happily, Eliott kisses his forehead and turns his attention back to the TV although Lucas can tell he's not paying actual attention to it anymore but neither is he.

He sighs and closes his eyes as he buries his face into Eliott's chest. Even when he tries hard to not think about it, his mind always drifts back to this baby they're both wishing for. It was actually the main reason why they had moved out of their apartment so to have a spare room they could turn into a nursery. This one actually has two of them but they use one as both an office and a playroom for Ouba.

Eliott had made sketches of how they could decorate it with animals and stars but the walls are still the same bland grey color they were the day they moved in.

"Lu?" his boyfriend asks for the younger man has been silent for a while. "You're alright?"

Lying is pointless as Eliott can read right through him like an open book so he shakes his head but doesn't move from his spot on Eliott's chest.

"You think it's going to work someday?" he can't help but wonder, his voice half muffled by the fabric of Eliott's t-shirt.

"Of course!" Eliott immediately says, running his fingers through Lucas' hair. "It might be taking us a bit longer than we expected but it will work and we'll get a baby."

And Lucas wishes he could be as hopeful as his boyfriend who sighs at his lack of answer before cupping his face with his free hand and tilts his head up, making them look at each other.

"Hey," he gently says, stroking Lucas' cheek with his thumb. "It will work. Just give it some more time. And if it truly doesn't want to work naturally, there's always insemination."

It's not something the younger man is particularly excited about. They've talked about it a few times already and judging by the way things are going, they might actually go for it but Lucas was really hoping they wouldn't need to. Not only because the whole procedure scares him but also because of the price.

"But it's expensive," he points out, shaking his head. "We can't afford it."

"Not right now," Eliott admits with a little shrug, "but we can start saving for it already and if we still need it next year, then, at least we'll have the money."

But that means a whole other year to wait, a whole other year to watch babies in the street with envy, to watch that empty room that was meant to be a nursery remain empty, to be dissapointed when every pregnancy test he does turn out to be negative. He doesn't think his heart can take it.

"Minute by minute," Eliott reminds him, pulling him up so he can press a kiss to the corner of his lips. "Okay? Minute by minute."

"Minute by minute," Lucas agrees, closing his eyes again as they well up with tears.

He might be losing hope but maybe Eliott truly has enough hope for the both of them.

***

It takes Lucas a long time to fall asleep that night but Eliott stays by his side, rubbing soothing circles on his back until his boyfriend is softly smoring, finally relaxed. Ouba has joined them and has fallen asleep nearly as soon as she took her usual place by Lucas' feet.

The older man sighs and slowly rolls off the bed, carefully walking out of their bedroom, closing the door behind him. He runs a hand through his hair and makes his way to the balcony door they've left slightly open earlier. He steps outside, the cold air making him shiver as goosebumps appear all over his skin. He puts both hands on the railway, leaning onto it as he closes his eyes

It's getting harder to put up a smile in front of Lucas. He might try to look hopeful but the last two years are starting to get to him too. He wants a baby. He wants one more than he has ever wanted anything in his whole life. He's wanted one since that pregnancy scare back when they were 20 and 18.

He meant what he said though. If they need to use insemination, then they will. In a heartbeat. There's nothing he wouldn't do if that means someday, he could hold their baby in his arms, a little human being that's half him, half Lucas.

The doctors said it. There's nothing wrong with either of them and the pills Lucas are taking are increasing his fertility. It's a matter of time. But it will happen. He needs it to happen. He needs to believe. He needs to believe, for Lucas, for his own sake.

He allows himself to dream for a minute. He imagines the nursery painted just like they had imagined it. Dark shades of blue reminding them of that night at the Petite Ceinture when they shared their first kiss with stars painted on the ceiling. He imagines coming home after a day at the parlor and finding Lucas on the couch with their little miracle wrapped in a blanket cuddled up against his chest, intently listening as Lucas tells them another story. He imagines a little toddler with his hair and Lucas' eyes chasing Ouba around the appartment. He imagines a little girl with a large toothy smile, giggling as Eliott shows her how to properly hold Brian.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he stands back up to his full height and blinks back the tears that had gathered in his eyes before clearing his throat. He needs to have faith. It will work. He promised Lucas. It will. Nature just needs some more time but it will happen when it's meant to happen.

He walks back inside and locks the door, feeling slightly more hopeful than when he walked out. They will have a baby and their little family of four (Including Ouba and Brian) will grow into one of five. He believes.


	2. No Matter What

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow ❤ I really hadn't thought you guys would like it 🥰 thank you so, so, SOOO much for your comments and support ❤ This story is now officially a multi chapter one so for now, please enjoy this flashback chapter about the ptegnancy scare they mentionned in the first chapter 🥰 Don't forget to tell me what you think

_July 29, 2020_

_Two years ago, being a carrier almost felt like a death sentence to Lucas. He was supposed to like girls. Where was he supposed to find a girl who wanted to date a carrier? Most want a boy they can have kids someday with, not one who can also get pregnant. It's not like it was written on his forehead but he was so paranoid of someone finding out he was one, that he was gay. He envied those who were proudly living out their best lives, having kids and all that stuff. But it wasn't for him._

_Not until a year ago when he met Eliott, the boy who flipped his world upside down, gave him a reason to be brave and proud. Suddenly, then maybe being a carrier wasn't so bad anymore. Maybe it was even a good thing. It was too early at this point to talk about kids with Eliott but it was nice to know that if it's something they want in the future, they can have it. He hadn't figured out how to tell this precious information to his boyfriend when he accidentally just blurted it out. Eliott was spending the week at the flatshare after Lucas found him under the bridge at the time. They were cuddling one evening on the couch, not willing to let go of each other anytime soon when it just came out._

_"I'm a carrier."_

_He blushed, started stuttering, trying to find a way to erase that sentence out of his boyfriend's memories but he couldn't. Not that he would have anyway as when he looked up, wishing that the ground could swallow him to spare him the embarrassment of the upcoming conversation, he found Eliott grinning, his eyes shining with love._

_"You have no idea how happy this makes me!"_

_It was all he said before cupping Lucas' cheeks and pulling him into a passionate kiss, one filled with promises for the future. Their future._

_But that was a year ago and today, things are different. Lucas is still a carrier but he's not as happy about it as he used to be. It's not quite the death sentence he used to see it as but it's not a good thing anymore. Not when he's been feeling awfully weird for the last few weeks, throwing up first thing in the morning. He and Eliott have mostly always been careful. First with condoms and now with birth control. Mostly. They may have forgotten about contraception two or three times in the past but they always realized it quickly afterward and they didn't want to risk anything so Lucas took the morning after pill._

_It's different this time though. He doesn't have any recent memories of them forgotting his birth control pills. He doesn't have any idea of when it could have happened. Had one of his pills not been as effective as usual? Or did he actually forgot one and never realized it? One way or another, it doesn't matter because the result is the same in the end._

_Anxiously pacing around their living room, Lucas bites on his nails, checking the time every minute. What's taking him so long? Eliott went to the nearest drugstore to buy a pregnancy test after they've both acknowledged earlier something was very, very wrong with Lucas but it feels like he left two hours ago._

_He's just about to pull his phone out of his pocket and call his boyfriend when he hears the front door opening and Eliott stepping inside the apartment. Quickly brushing away the tears that have started to gather in his eyes, the younger boy meets him in the hallway. Eliott looks about just as nervous and scared as Lucas feels like. They haven't planned for this to happen. Not for a few more years at least. They're both still in school, Eliott is the only one of the two to work and there's no place for a baby in the apartment._

_"Here," the older boy starts as he hands him a small plastic bag. "It says on the box you need to wait-"_

_But Lucas rips it from his hold and walks inside the bathroom, the door slamming behind him right as a sob crawls its way out of his mouth. He doesn't mean to be rude with his boyfriend. Eliott did nothing wrong there. No, it's Lucas. It's Lucas who's absolutely terrified. What are they even going to do if he turns out to actually be pregnant? What if it's too much for Eliott and he leaves him? Could Lucas even go through an abortion? He's not sure he could mentally ever accept it._

_With shaking hands and more tears rolling down his cheeks, he rips the box open before throwing it aside, the white stick in the palm of his hands the only thing that matter. Crazy how a piece of plastic is about to decide his and Eliott's future…_

_He takes off the purple cap and does what he need to before putting it back on the tip. Then, he puts the test on the vanity as the longest two minutes of his life begin. And maybe it's those last few days' nausea or simply his nerves giving in but he feels bile rising up in his throat and he bends over the toilet right as he gets sick. There isn't much left in his stomach to throw up and as soon as he's done, he feels his knees trembling underneath him. He leans his back on the bathroom's door and slowly slides down onto the floor. He brings his knees up and rests his forehead on them, sighing._

_"Lucas?" Eliott worries from the other side of the door, gently knocking on it. "Lucas, baby?"_

_And maybe it's how soft his boyfriend still is despite how rude Lucas just acted, or maybe it's because the older boy's tone sounds like the one he would use to approach a wounded animal but it's too much out of sudden for Lucas who breaks down into tears._

_"Lucas," Eliott calls him again, softly but firmly enough to get his attention. "Breathe, please. Breathe with me, okay?"_

_Nodding although his boyfriend can't see him, he does as he's told, following Eliott's breathing until his own is stabilized._

_"Lucas," the older boy pleads him through the door, "I know you're scared right now. So am I. But you have to remember that I love you. Okay? I love you and no matter what happens, no matter the decision you make, I'll support you. Okay? No matter what."_

_"No matter what?" he repeats, wanting to make sure as he wipes the tears out of his eyes with the heel of his hand._

_"No matter what!" Eliott confirms and Lucas can practically hear his smile. "This is your decision and I'll respect it and support you."_

_So he starts weighing down his options. Abortion. He might be for it as everyone should have the choice but he doesn't think he could do it though. Adoption is a no too. He's seen too many videos about how the kids in the foster system end up being treated as. That leaves one other option._

_"Even if I decide to keep them?" he asks, his voice shaking a little._

_"Especially if you decide to keep them!" Eliott happily says, letting out what sounds like a watery laugh._

_Only then does Lucas realizes the two minutes must be over already so he takes a deep breath and slowly stands up, taking a step toward the vanity. With trembling hands, he reaches for the stick and the result waiting for him on the little screen leaves him feeling weirdly numb. He turns around and opens the bathroom's door, sending Eliott jumping onto his feet from where he was sitting down. There's concern written all over his face and he holds his breath when Lucas hands him the test._

_"Negative," he says, nearly whispering and although it's not a question, Lucas nods._

_"Negative."_

_He can't read his boyfriend's expression as the older boy wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Lucas sighs and buries his face into Eliott's neck as the latter starts rubbing circles on his back._

_He should be relieved by it but nothing. He feels empty, devoid of any emotion. It's not like he would have been excited to be pregnant but it wouldn't have been the end of the world either._

_And like he had senses Lucas' contradictory emotions, Eliott pulls back and cups his face, stroking his cheeks._

_"Are you disappointed that it's negative?" he wonders and Lucas shrugs, not just exactly of how he's supposed to answer this._

_"Are you?" he asks the same question to his boyfriend who shrugs too._

_"All I know is that I want to have kids with you someday," Eliott explains with a soft smile, brushing their noses together. "It would have been unexpected to have one so soon but we would have rocked parenthood anyway. Now we just get some extra time to prepare for it."_

_But then he freezes as fear flashes across his face._

_"You still want kids, right?"_

_And Lucas immediately nods, allowing himself to smile for the first time today._

_"I do! I want to have a family with you!"_

_Eliott relaxes, sighing in relief, nearly sagging into the younger boy's arms as his boyfriend presses their foreheads against each other's right as a wicked grin spreads across his lips._

_"Good! It means we have to keep practicing."_

_Smirking, Lucas crushes their mouths together, all the previous stress from the possibility of being pregnant fades into a memory, both of them needing to feel each other. But much later, as they're laying down in bed, wearing nothing as they come down from their orgasms while some of Eliott's come starts drying on his inner thighs, he can't help but lay a hand over his flat belly. Eliott imitates him, caressing the skin there with his fingertips._

_"I can't wait 'till there's our baby in there," he confesses with reverence and awe in his voice. "You're going to be absolutely gorgeous with a bump!"_

_Lucas snorts but intertwines their fingers together._

_"Keep that for when I'll be fat and moody in a few years!" he warns his boyfriend who just shakes his head before crawling down his body, pressing several kisses all over his stomach._

_"As if some extra pounds and mood swings could make you any less beautiful," he teases as he keeps caressing his belly._

_It's okay in the end if he isn't pregnant. It just means they get to be ready when it will happen to them in a few years, just enough time for them to finish school, find jobs and move somewhere they could actually raise a child. It's not just hypothetical anymore. It's a promise for their future._


End file.
